The Unbound Adventure
Sandi Marie
I’m titling this blog post “The Unbound Adventure” in honor of two special friends who I will be highlighting in this post: (1). Becky Magnolia, creator of the “The Unbound Adventure” book and deck of cards (from whom I am humbly borrowing the title for this post); and (2) Sandi Marie, who is hosting a kind of “release party” today, in the form of an open house before her departure from her human life, also happening today. She, too, will now be on an “unbound adventure.”
Current State
Before we get into it, I will be candid with you, my reader. I’m writing this from a rather sad place in my own collection of states of being. When situations collide with hormones, it can feel like a series of dominoes falling. I am so committed to rising again and again, that I know this state is temporary. It just so happens that my buttons have been pushed over the past couple of weeks like a cat has hopped on top of a keyboard and just started pawing them all.
(“Because why not?” I suppose the cat thinks.)
Sadness can be a bit disempowering. It can be unmotivating. Things aren’t as interesting. Life isn’t as colorful. You feel stuck. You feel dull. You feel like maybe your words don’t matter. You question whether there is even a point.
So why write a blog post? Is there anything that wants to be said, or will it just be forced dribble? Who cares anyway?
I wasn’t sure if I had it in me to write this week.
But here I am, at the last minute, writing. So, let’s do this.
Sandi Marie
First, let me tell you about Sandi Marie.
I met Sandi in the late ‘90s when I was about 13 or 14. I had recently started playing music with other people. It was a trio. Me singing and two guys playing guitar. One lead and ornamental stuff, the other rhythm. We were looking for a place to perform and saw a weekly open mic at “Mom and Pop’s Cafe” advertised. It was right down the street from where I lived. I am fairly sure it is where Goodwill is now, though I will have to fact-check that.
So we grabbed guitars and went. That is when I met Sandi. She was onstage, playing guitar, and singing her heart out. She was raw, she was real, she was a rock mama goddess.
She welcomed me and my friends. We got on the stage, and she would coach me, “Kiss the mic!” for the longest time. (I was shy and would sing far away from the mic). We went to the open mic often! This was our first venue. I gained greater confidence on stage and started writing more and more of my own songs. (When I find photos, I would like to add a couple.)
Over the years, Sandi moved on from St. Augustine. She ended up in Nova Scotia, Canada. She and I kept in touch through Facebook. We commiserated when she went through a hard break up and I was going through a personal challenge. She was one of the first people to message me about my book, “The 30-Day Sobriety Experiment,” before it was published, and I e-mailed her an advance copy. She recently shared a new song she had written and released called “Heart Hits the Ground,” and I loved it.
Then, just a couple of days ago, Sandi shared an interview in which she said she was suffering from health problems and was ready for peace. She is choosing to plan her departure and die peacefully with Canada’s assisted death program today.
I was very surprised because I didn’t know Sandi was experiencing severe health problems. She has congestive heart failure. Also, the elective approach to dying is not legal in the US, so I have not heard or known anyone personally to do this.
However, to write the end to her story does seem to fit her personality as a creative. Planning your own death is, in a way, an act of creativity.
Learning that Sandi’s story (at least the part I know) is ending, has brought up many feelings. Most of all, I want to honor Sandi’s life.
I think the best way to do that is to share my story about the impact she has had on me and to follow the advice she gave in her final interview, which is as follows:
“If you have a passion, don’t say someday. Say today. And if you’ve got something to share, especially music, music, you know, a few words, a few notes, and you’ve broken somebody’s heart. Or healed somebody’s heart. Stay in the now. And appreciate the gifts you’re given. And share them.”
So as hard as it was, I had to write something today. Sandi told me to with these words. Being creative is my gift too, and it was this gift that led my path to intersect with Sandi’s.
Had I not been compelled to sing, write, and develop my musical abilities, I would never have walked into the Mom and Pop’s Buffet. I would not be reflecting on Sandi’s life now, and I would not be writing this blog post.
But God has willed it to be so. God has given me creativity along with the highs and lows that come with it. As much as it feels like we suffer alone with our emotional and, at times, physical pain, we are connected by these interweaving paths in ways we can’t fully understand.
I know Sandi has had a bumpy road. Even when I met her, she had been on a bumpy road. I don’t know the details. I just know she was a warrior, a fierce creative, a powerful artist, and a kind soul.
Grief into Joy
Today, in Mass, the Gospel reading could not have been more perfect. It comes from the Book of John and recounts some of Jesus’ words to his disciples at the last supper.
“Are you asking one another what I meant when I said, ‘In a little while you will see me no more, and then after a little while you will see me’? Very truly I tell you, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy. In that day you will no longer ask me anything. Very truly I tell you, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.”
These words from Jesus made me feel like I will see Sandi again, in some way, in some form, some day. They also reminded me that grief and suffering are temporary. Joy is promised. Joy and the presence of Jesus, and God, the Father of all that is Good.
When I sit in God’s presence in the sacred space of my heart or in a constructed temple like the Church, I am able to offer my emotional pain to Him. I am able to feel the presence of that pain in my body and sit with Him with it.
It’s not an instant cure, but it is something to open up and let it be seen by Him. I ask for healing; I ask for relief. But I understand this pain may be a necessary part of my path. I have read accounts of earnest seekers and stories of creatives like myself. Struggles with pain are not uncommon.
However, I do believe God intends for us to experience the great joy that is mentioned in the Bible, over and over. And, at times, I certainly have and do. I’ve experienced many beautiful, uplifting, glorious, and even seemingly miraculous things. There is great inspiration in his Creation and experiencing love for his Creatures is an incredible feeling.
My prayer for Sandi today is that she will experience the peace and rest she is longing for. I pray that her next adventure will be as blessed and as colorful and fun as her beautiful soul. I pray the peace that passes understanding will accompany her, wherever the path next leads her.
Becky Magnolia
Becky Magnolia
Speaking of a colorful journey, Becky Magnolia is one of those amazing creative people I am talking about today!
I met Becky in 2022 in a coffee shop when I overheard her asking the owner if he would be a guest on her podcast, where she interviews people in her community because she meets God in every conversation she has with others!
I was intrigued by this coffee shop mystic who I soon learned had authored and published over 14 books. We have become friends, and I am grateful!
I always walk away from our conversations inspired and with the natural high you get from being around people who are in tune. There’s a harmony about Becky - she flows with life. Whether that means dancing on the beach in the morning or telling someone exactly what is on her mind, she seems to embrace it and relish it in a way that is rare in our cookie-cutter world.
This week, I suddenly got a nudge to purchase a copy of Becky’s latest creation, a book and matching card set, called “The Unbound Journey.” I was working with the practice of sitting with and conversing with uncomfortable parts of myself, from the perspective of my higher self. These “characters” or “energies” were coming up anyway; why not use the opportunity to learn and grow? I realized that Becky’s cards could assist me in this exploration.
Becky’s cards are essentially a tool to explore the unconscious. Each of the 37 cards has a word on them (writers love meditating on words) and there are four suits: Action, Actor, Conflict, and Resolution. The accompanying book provides written reflections on each of the words and numerous exercises to try with the cards, either alone or with another “player.”
I knew the “sadness” state I’d been in had been holding me back from self-expression. Words and ideas felt stuck, and I wasn’t motivated to pull them out. So I used the cards to prompt myself to free-write and channel whatever wanted to come out. The exercise got a stagnant river remembering how to flow again.
I also gained some valuable insights into myself and my journey. So, the cards are quite phenomenal, and I highly recommend checking them out.
In Becky’s own words from the book, here is why she created this project:
“Thus I made a ‘book’ that is unbound, movable, and explorable, designed to help you awaken your inner awareness, providing you, the inner adventurer, the freedom to go within and listen to your call, release your burdens, and expand into that singular golden truth as it manifests from your unique and beautiful spot in the Universe”
Until Next Time
Thanks for dropping in to read my blog. I hope you find inspiration from the wonderful women I have highlighted today.
Also, Becky’s official release party for “The Unbound Adventure” project is happening this Sunday, May 21st at 2pm at Anastasia Healing Arts (2225 A1A S #B1, St. Augustine, Florida, 32080).
