Unconditional Love is Unrealistic
But Bouquets Are Better Than Brickbats
Photo by Zoe Schaeffer on Unsplash
Part of my new year’s resolution was to be more “methodical” in 2023, so on January 1st, I quickly listed a series of topics I would write about this year. This week’s topic was to be about “unconditional love.”
How brash of me.
I’ve since decided that unconditional love is for superheroes and saints. I don’t feel at all qualified to approach the topic directly. So here’s my off-center take on it.
What’s Love Got to Do With It?
When I think of unconditional love in a holistic sense, I think of an unconditional “yes” to life, no matter what it brings; an openness.
My life story certainly hasn’t been one of unconditional love. Much more like bouquets or brickbats, depending on circumstances and my mood.
If you aren’t familiar with the phrase “bouquets and brickbats,” it’s a figurative way to heap praise or critique on something, depending on whether you like it or not. Bouquets if you like it; brickbats if you don’t.
(I learned this phrase in a local restaurant review Facebook group, if you must know).
The Brickbat Habit
The height of my “brickbat throwing” was when I was in my early twenties and about to graduate from college.
I had raced through my teens, hitting major milestones early, showered with attention for an exciting but eventually non-starting music career, and overdoing everything except the things that would have propelled me forward toward my original dream, which was to be a successful singer.
At 23, I saw my peers’ lives starting to take off in fresh, exciting ways. Meanwhile, mine was stalling out, at least it seemed that way to me. I felt depressed and discarded.
Photo by Vasily Koloda on Unsplash
Right around that time, my parents got divorced. Then, the boyfriend I had been seeing on and off for years moved to another state to start a new life with another girl. I graduated from college feeling sad and lost. I was drinking too much, too often. I was too scared of the unknown to change. I was also angry.
Deep down, I felt abandoned, and I resented others for how I thought they had contributed to my situation. You can be sure I was throwing energetic brickbats at life!
Then, only months after graduating, at the age of 24, I was diagnosed with the big “C”- cancer. More brickbats to life!
24 was my favorite number. This was supposed to be my “golden year.” Yet cancer is what had manifested.
Brickbats! 🧱
Battling cancer was the start of hitting a giant reset button for me.
I realized that throwing brickbats at life doesn’t work.
Photo by Upesh Manoush on Unsplash
Bouquets For Days
I realized that I loved my life, and I didn’t want to lose it.
I realized that the stuff that happened in the past was over.
And it doesn’t matter whose fault it was.
All I had was this moment.
Fourteen years later,
This moment is still the only one I’ve got.
So, for the most part, I have stopped throwing brickbats.
I wake up healthy in the morning, thrilled to have another chance to create the life of my dreams…or not.
💐
So remember…
It’s up to you to choose happiness.
It’s up to you to choose to love life.
It’s up to you to forgive yourself and others.
It’s up to you to be the bearer of bouquets.
No matter what happens.
You don’t have to “unconditionally love” everything.
But bringing bouquets instead of brickbats to the party is a great place to start.
Photo by Upesh Manoush on Unsplash
