Settling In & Getting Comfortable

Around the world in forty years.

 I’ve seen so much and so much has seen me.

I try the cute jeans on again today to see if I can button them this week… 

Turns out they may soon join the growing pile of size zero’s at the top of my tween’s closet. 

Maybe that’s a metaphor for all the other things in life that no longer fit me-

Attitudes I’ve outgrown. Ways of being that are falling away with time and experience. 

I think, it’s kind of nice to not base my self-worth on whether or not a certain pair of jeans fits me or compare my physique with the younger woman crossing my path at the gym. 

My mind and heart are in other, more useful and happy places these days. 

The truth is, I think I’m finally becoming comfortable in my own skin. 

I like going to bible studies with the older women, who are wise in different ways than I. Nibbling on the sweet snacks, sharing our battle stories, and giggling about some of the weird sexual stuff in the Old Testament. The weaknesses and foibles of the ancient men and women…so different yet so familiar. 

I like surrendering my need for control, perfection, and significance to some other Greater Force than myself, daily swimming in the Great Mystery of faith. 

I like the idea of settling in and getting comfortable in this body, in this life. 

I like the idea that maybe I’ll grow old with my husband and our grandkids will come visit us, and we’ll have snacks and drinks for them in the fridge in the garage. 

I like the idea of being grateful and accepting of each age and each stage, 

No longer fighting the tide or longing to be somewhere or someone else. 

I like the idea of accepting and embracing the Imago Dei I am, 

the unique fingerprint God has endowed me with. 

I like the idea of opening my heart to the depths and heights of what this means. 

I like the idea of greeting all others as fellow children of God, no better, no worse than I, all a mixture of divine spark and human frailty. 

How beautiful it is to grow and change with the passage of time, 

Like a rough stone being smoothed by the sure and steady movement of water. 

How incredible it is to experience these days after being where I’ve been 

And seeing what I’ve seen. 

What a gift it is to experience life after cancer; lightness after the deep dark; and joy after mourning for so long.