You Don’t Have to Stay Stuck
Breaking the Trauma-Addiction Cycle
The Trauma-Addiction Cycle
Trauma is an event or circumstance that leaves lasting effects on your mental, emotional, physical, social, and spiritual well-being. It is estimated that 70% of adults have experienced trauma. That’s a huge portion of the population.
Quite often, this trauma occurs in childhood, before age 18. As children, we tend to unconsciously take on our parents’ trauma, out of loyalty. The lessons our parents haven’t learned are passed on to us to deal with. As adults, we tend to gravitate toward situations that replay the trauma.
Numerous studies have shown that people who have experienced childhood trauma are significantly more likely to develop an addiction. Physiologically, trauma can lead to changes in brain chemistry that make individuals more susceptible to addiction.
One of the most common ways to cope with distress is by using alcohol or a drug. These substances are addictive and can quickly create a new set of problems. The purpose of the addiction is to distract or numb you from troubling thoughts. But what begins as self-medication becomes its own brand of trauma.
Once you have an addiction, you don’t just have the initial trauma, but additional trauma. The trauma of self-harm. The trauma of putting a substance above yourself. The trauma of feeling like you need a substance to feel good, or just to feel normal. The trauma of the absence of self-love.
Bathing inner pain in alcohol or drugs does nothing to wash it away. In fact, addictively using a substance guarantees that the pain will fester and you will be more likely to put yourself into situations that reinforce it. It may not be ideal, but for you, it is more comfortable than the unknown.
It’s Not Your Fault
Whatever happened, especially in childhood, it’s not your fault. But pointing your finger in blame isn’t going to help, either.
Most likely, what happened to you resulted from something that happened to someone else, and what happened to that person was the result of what happened to another person, and so on and on.
Your traumatic event is one in a big, long chain of trauma.
So what is going to free you from it and stop the domino effect?
Start by embodying this realization: IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT.
If you are carrying around guilt or shame, this is your invitation to drop it right now. It’s not serving you. It does not belong to you.
The Pitfall of Assigning Meaning
Next, consider this: It’s not what happened; IT’S WHAT YOU MADE IT MEAN.
People create entire personalities around their trauma by giving it meaning. What meaning have you attached to yours?
That you are helpless?
That you must be in control?
That you can’t count on anyone?
That the only worthwhile thing in life is pleasure?
That the only certainty in life is pain?
That you are a victim?
That you are unlucky?
Whatever meaning you’ve attached to what happened, please be willing to see it. If you can see it, you can begin to dismantle it.
It’s Not Your Fault, But It Is Your Responsibility
Chances are, what happened to you happened when you were young and powerless. Your fragile ego built a structure to protect itself.
That structure is constructed, brick-by-brick, of limiting beliefs.
If you are going to move forward in life, you are going to have to take responsibility for dismantling that structure.
You don’t have to do it all at once. See if you can remove a single brick.
Extract one false, limiting belief right now.
How does that feel?
How freeing would it be to remove a brick that says, “I’m a victim”? How much would it change your life to realize that is not true?
Drop the Addiction
Next, drop the addiction. As long as you are not clinically dependent, just set it down. Stop carrying it around.
Stop feeding it with your life force energy.
Stop reinforcing it by giving into it.
Change your beliefs and you will change your inner life.
Change your addictive behavior and you will change the whole landscape.
Get a counselor or a coach if you need support. Tune in for AA meetings if you find that helpful. There are so many resources available.
Future Self
As you walk the path of freedom, you will start to develop real love and compassion for yourself.
You may start to feel compassion for those who have hurt you.
You may even get to a place where you can inwardly thank those who hurt you for inadvertently boosting your spiritual growth. You may wish for their freedom as well.
Something that I have found helpful is to imagine my future self as supremely happy, secure, and at peace.
This future self is not dependent on another person, or life events. This future self is wise and confident, healthy and strong, with excellent boundaries and prospects. This future self is abundant with goodwill and she deeply loves and respects herself.
Can you imagine your future self? Find a visualization that makes you feel good. Repeat it as often as you it occurs to you to do so.
Having a weak moment? Bring to mind your future self.
Wondering what to do about something? Run it by your future self.
Feeling doubt or fear? Imagine the stability and confidence of your future self.
She’s telling you it’s going to be okay.
Credit to Janey Lee Grace’s Sober Coach training for the phrases, “You don’t have to stay stuck,” “It’s not what happened; it’s what you made it mean,” and “It’s not your fault, but it is your responsibility.”
